9/15/20

Today my childhood renewed. To find my inner child has been sought (I think so). Nostalgia whiffs the air, my senses feeling the childhood I longed for. The smell of the breeze, the feels of the surroundings, the sight of the morning light. Ah, I miss this. The chaos. The chaos I tried to escape, but in the end it lead me back longing to it. 

For how much it may be chaos, it is home; and it is in home, where I am at peace. 

Have I found true peace? I don't know. Have I found myself again? Probably. Do I want my old self and the peace and happiness I had then? Yes, an absolute yes. Can I find it again? Hopefully.

Points for today:

I watched the movie "The Big Short". I originally intended to watch this movie because it popped up when I was scrolling Netflix. I remembered this film being offered to us by my professor in a Taxation subject to help us understand more the economic systems and such. It was indeed a mind opener to terminologies that I am unfamiliar with, the housing and deeper banking market which I am also a bit clueless of its technicalities, and of the events of the 2007-2008 Financial Crisis. I was intrigued however of this one specific person called Michael J. Burry. It was weird enough that he is a physician and yet he works in an investment firm. Apart from that, his overall personality was weird in a sense. He was mostly in his office blasting loud rock music while just wearing a pair of shorts, a T-shirt, and mostly barefoot. However, this weirdness struck me. How did his weirdness gained him this success? Then in the end of the movie, I somewhat realized that his weirdness was a key. It was him all along and he did not push on the trends. He stood firm to who he is and his beliefs like his speculation on the burst of the American mortgage bubble that will lead to a major financial crisis, where he was right. 

I was inspired from this. I then analyzed myself and all the decisions I have done in my life. Maybe I was weak and not confident at all with myself because I am the one who is blocking myself from who I am. By hindering myself from my true self, thus I stop myself from my possibilities. I stop myself on my full potentials and on how I can personally find the real "me" and my own personal happiness. Afterwards, I did tasks. I tried to set myself free from the expectations of mediocrity of this world and let myself, for the first time in years, be truly weird and happy in my own self. It indeed work. I tried slowing down and go on my own pace, be happy, be myself. It is suddenly that most of my worries were gone and does not bother me much. Maybe the decisions that I have done recently have helped it too, from my social media detox, having enough rest, and mostly staying away from the toxicity of this rotten world. It worked. 

Apart from this, I loved on how he used his passion for rock music and his drums as a vent to all his frustrations. That his hobby, be his vent out of this cruel and wicked world. Maybe I need to find my hobbies and the things I love again. It might help me as I go on with my life and with my tasks, to serve as a vent to everything. To prevent all the frustrations and anger to be bottled up inside me and consume me whole, just like what I have done to myself for the past two years. 

Done with the past, learn from the mistakes. Move forward and live on.

MOTM